Hypocrisy Is a Gas

That’s my hypothesis, at any rate. I base it on my experiences at work.

Ob, for example, once told me that I don’t need to worry about anyone’s else’s job. (See also 7/27/06 post.) However, he phoned me twice on Tuesday to have the groundskeepers address issues that he thought were urgent. He points out things like this quite frequently, and I want to smack him and say, "Don’t you see what you’re doing?!"

My boss (hereafter called "Boss") got upset with me yesterday because I gave him a message in front of our new District Manager (DM), who was visiting. Well, it’s not the circumstances in which I relayed the message but the content of said message. Someone (a crazy sounding woman) called to say that the granite countertops had arrived at the house he is building, but he didn’t leave the door unlocked, so they couldn’t get in. That’s it; that’s all I said to him. Plus, the DM probably didn’t even hear, as he was talking to our office manager at the time. Where’s the reason to be upset? Where’s the hypocrisy? I’ll explain.

Boss was upset because, a while back, the previous DM and our client received anonymous letters alleging, among other things, that Boss was spending work time to build houses (his side business). Boss sweet-talked his way out of any trouble (although I believe that all of the allegations, not just the house-building one, were true) and says he hasn’t done anything wrong. Then, pray tell, why did he get so upset when I gave him the message in front of new DM, if he’s not doing anything wrong? The kicker (and source of hypocrisy) is that, today, just as he arrived at the office, his cell phone (paid for by the company) rang. He spoke in Spanish (clue #1 that it wasn’t work-related), but I could understand that he was telling someone that they haven’t arrived yet ("no he llegado"). He followed that with a phone call (in English) to someone else, whom he told that he "just spoke with the painter" (clue #2) and that "the granite countertops haven’t arrived from El Paso yet" (superfluous clue #3). What should I learn from this, Boss: that I imagine hearing you conduct personal business during work hours, or that it’s okay for you to do it, as long as your superiors don’t know about it?

Why do I think hypocrisy is a gas? Because, every time someone says or does something directly opposite of what s/he has previously asserted, I can’t breathe. My lungs crave oxygen, as if it were displaced by noxious fumes. Plus, I get a really bad taste in my mouth. Though I can’t yet think of a way to test this hypothesis scientifically, I have informal, personal observations that this gas has been generated, so far, only when the hypocrisy is expressed verbally, and only when I am in the immediate vicinity. (Maybe I’m just the canary in the mine shaft and everyone else is more tolerant.)

One more example: on our business trip last week, I was present when Boss told someone that he should treat every employee equally and not show favoritism. (Another of the anonymous letter’s allegations, which is patently true, was that Boss does exactly the opposite). Unfortunately, falling to the ground, gasping and hacking for pure, life-giving air, might have been construed as grounds for termination in this case, so I stoically wavered on my feet and breathed shallowly through my nose.