Anhydrous Wit

Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Friday, July 21, 2017

I Like Alternative Music

I'll admit it.  I like bagpipes.  I like polkas (and accordion music, in general).  As I worked this morning, I had Youtube play calliope music quietly in the background.  This afternoon, I think I'll listen to Mummers music.

What?  What did you think I meant?

Thursday, July 20, 2017

And Now the Key to the Kingdom

The employee who arrives first and unlocks the gate every day is on vacation.  He left me the key, since I'm usually the second person to get to work.  First a new throne, now a key.  You might warn me that, "Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown."  Fortunately, I have no wish to depose the king.  I'm quite happy being the court jester -- the Chlorophool, if you will.

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

It's Really a Throne

Our office manager decided that we all needed new desk chairs.  (I did not ask for this.  In fact, our boss replaced the broken caster on my chair so that we wouldn't need to buy a new one.)  Four of the desk chairs now match.  The manager realized that my chair would have to have a higher seat (even with adjustment the others were too low), so mine is different.  It has a high, leather (or faux leather) back, but the others have low, mesh backs.  Mine looks more like an executive chair among secretaries' chairs.  (I did not ask for this.)

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Mmm, Donuts!

I have a T-shirt which states, "Donuts made me smart."  Since I am The Man With A T-Shirt From Everywhere, you know that must be true.  And, if you have an idea where the extra donut-fat is stored in my body, you know why I'm such a smartass.

This morning and yesterday morning, I thought I smelled a jelly donut in the office.  It didn't come from my coworkers in the office, as only one of them eats while working, and she eats granola bars.  Is hallucinating jelly donut smell a sign of something?

That got me wondering about President Kennedy.  Some people say that his statement Ich bin ein Berliner should be translated as, "I am a jelly donut."  If he had been speaking in Hamburg rather than Berlin, he would have said Ich bin ein Hamburger.

Friday, June 30, 2017

Sock it to Me

I need socks for work.  I need casual dress socks.  I'm having trouble finding them.  I want beige socks, and I want blue socks.  I might even accept striped socks, since they'll be mostly covered by my trousers.

I figured that Father's Day sales would be rife with socks (and underwear) on sale.  They were, but either athletic socks or dress socks.  I even went to one store because it had on sale a brand I've worn before.  The store had black, casual dress socks, or it had multi-color packs (brown, beige, blue, gray).  To get as many blue or beige socks as I want, I'd end up with dozens of other colors I don't.

I look at the weekly sales papers in the Sunday newspaper, but some stores don't advertise in print, and one department store chain is having trouble staying in business, so they're not shelling out for print ads any more.  I look at their websites (and hope I can narrow down the search to what is actually in the stores).  I found two possibilities.

There also are stores that offer close-out or remaindered items.  These stores don't have sales because they claim their items are already steeply discounted.  They also can't say what they'll have in stock day to day, since they sell leftovers.  One of these stores is on the way to where I refuel my car, so it's not an out of the way trip.

Maybe I should wear just sandals to work and leave a pair of socks and shoes by my desk, on the off chance that I might leave the office at some point.

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Work Stinks

I couldn't figure out why I was smelling ink so strongly, since I had already put away the pen.  It turns out that the pen had bled onto one of my fingers, so when I rested my chin on my hand, I could smell the ink.  Oh, dear, if I had the finger that close to my nose, then maybe...  Yep.  A quick glance in the mirror showed that I had gotten ink onto my nose.

I thoroughly washed my hands and my nose.  Now, though, I'm going to smell the soap all day, especially since it's a new container of the soap whose scent I don't care for.  Oh, well, I suppose it's better than my coworkers staring at the ink on my nose all day.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

What Would You Do for a Klondike Bar?

In the news recently was a story about a dinner where the attendees had to pay $35,000 to be in the same room as Donald Trump.

My first thought was, "If I'm going to pay $35,000 for dinner, I'm going to get on a plane to Philadelphia so I can have a cheesesteak."

My second thought was, "If I'm going to pay $35,000 for dinner, I'm going to make sure there aren't any politicians around to spoil it!"

Or maybe I'd fly to Australia and eat Vegemite (which I dislike) in lots of different places.  It would be fun to post pictures of myself in all those places -- a travel-blog, as it were.