Anhydrous Wit

Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Tuesday, August 06, 2019

The Oy's of Home-Ownership

The bank managing my mother's estate let me know a couple of weeks ago that ownership of her house has been turned over to me.  Naturally, things have started breaking.

It is monsoon season, which means occasional, strong rainstorms.  It also apparently means that the roof leaked again over the upstairs bathroom.  ("Wasn't this already fixed earlier this year, Cap'n?" you may well ask.  "It was supposed to be," I may well reply.)

Since I already have to be home for the roofers, I might as well have the plumber come, too.  The master bathroom toilet has been trickling for months (or would be, if I didn't keep the water to it turned off at the wall), and there's some tank (might be a filtration system) in the garage, which hasn't been touched in the nearly five years I've been at the house, and I know nothing about (I don't know who convinced or conned my mother into installing it, whatever it turns out to be), so I figure it's overdue for a checkup.

I might as well have as many repairs taken care of that I can, so I'm also having a glass repair service come to patch the multiple "stars" on my windshield (yet another downfall of a long, highway commute).

Unfortunately, the appliance repair service can't come until Thursday afternoon, so I'll have to lose more time at work.  (Thankfully, that will fall in a different pay period.)  This is for the most recent and the oldest repairs.  Just this weekend, the refrigerator compartment stopped cooling -- although the freezer compartment still works.  (There went my milk and eggs and leftovers and...)  I brushed the coils beneath the unit, but it didn't help.  Since I have to miss work anyway, and since I have to pay for a service call, I might as well get my money's worth, so the repairman will also look at the non-igniting burners on the stove and the non-functioning clock/timer on the oven.  Those have been problems since well before my mom's passing, but better to pay for just what's needed than to buy a whole new stove/oven (or refrigerator/freezer).

Oy vey.

Sunday, August 04, 2019

Must've Been Some Knife!

It always amuses me when people publish newspaper headlines that mean more than the writer or editor intended.  I've finally found one myself.

The front page of the Tuesday, July 30, 2019 edition of the Albuquerque Journal included this headline above the fold:  "BCSO:  Woman fatally shot by deputies armed with knife".

The way I read it, the deputies used a knife to shoot the woman.  (Some feat!)  They probably meant that the woman was armed with a knife.  Rewriting the headline as "Woman armed with knife fatally shot by deputies" isn't any better, though.  Then it sounds as if the knife was killed.

Let's stick in a couple of commas, and it should be good to go.  "Woman, armed with knife, fatally shot by deputies".

Thursday, July 11, 2019

In Which Even I Groan at This Awful Pun

Sherlock Holmes & his partner arrived at the scene of their latest case.
"A primary school?"
"It's Watson, my dear elementary."

Wednesday, May 08, 2019

Poor Sports

I don't watch much TV, but I still review the TV schedule to see if something interesting might be on.  Usually, it's a whole bunch of channels with nothing that interests me.  "Who would watch that?" I tend to think.  Who, indeed?

Last night (Tuesday, May 7, 2019), my schedule said that ESPN2 would air "Cornhole:  ACL Mania" from 6:00 p.m. until 8:00 p.m.  I don't know what that is in the sporting world, but in the vernacular I learned, "cornholing" isn't something you're allowed to show on television.

Immediately after that, from 8:00 p.m. until 10:00 p.m., was "WATL Axe Throwing:  Canadian Open".  What size axes do they use?  At what (or whom) do they throw them?  Do they have men's and women's heats, or are the competitions mixed?  Finally, the biggest question, who would watch axe throwing for two hours?

Wasn't there a baseball game somewhere they could televise?

Monday, April 29, 2019

Let's Party!

I expressed cautious optimism to a couple of friends over the past few weeks.  I now can state it proudly to the world.  Today, I received confirmation that I paid off my mortgage!

[Insert cheers, whistles, applause, brass band, and fireworks here.]

One friend told me to think of all the interest that I won't be paying for another 16.5 years.  At the moment, I'm too interested in seeing less money exit my checking account each month.  Of course, prudent me has already decided that I should set up an automatic transfer from checking to savings each month, in the amount of my escrow payment, to prepare for the property tax and insurance that I will soon pay for directly.  After that, who knows?  (I ought to make a list.)

I've heard that people sometimes throw mortgage-burning parties.  I ought to have a party.  It has been a while since I hosted a party.  (Yes, even introverted me can have some successful gatherings.)  Mind you, the few friends who can stand to be in the same room with me for a few hours at a time are all in different cities, which makes planning a bit difficult.  Okay, this introvert has thought about a social gathering.  That's enough for one day.

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Welcome to the Nuthouse

You don't have to be crazy to work here.  You have to be crazy to keep working here!

Monday, April 01, 2019

A Man, a Plan, a Canal: Panama

A friend will turn 50 this summer.  I asked if he wants to do anything special.  He said no, just a small gathering of close friends (of which I am one, he assured me).


I started pondering how to commemorate my 50th birthday a couple of years from now.  Do I want to do anything special?  I told a different friend that I don't have a "bucket list", but I'd kind of like to see the Redwoods and/or Sequoias someday.  (I already visited Dollywood, another "kind of like to" thing.)  So, how about it?  Want to visit some really giant trees with me in a couple of years?  I should be able to save up enough money in that time.


Although, you know, visiting the Panama Canal would be a neat thing, too...