The rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

My mom called last night. She said I received a letter in the mail from the Gerber insurance corporation. (They have insured me since I was a baby.) The letter, addressed to me, thanked me for notifying them that I had died and expressed their condolences.

Excuse me?

Obviously, she's going to write back and tell them that they are mistaken. It didn't help that the letter arrived on the third anniversary of my father's death. I had a bad enough day at work, but to find out that I had died...