The High Cost of Living (and Dying)

While making arrangements for my father’s funeral, I was shocked by the wide range of prices charged for various items or services. Note I said the range, not the prices themselves. Funerals are not an inexpensive process. Keep in mind that there might be unscrupulous morticians in this country, but our particular funeral director was gracious and did not try to push us to make any unnecessary, expensive decisions.

Funeral service packages at this mortuary range from $2,045 for "immediate burial or entombment without ceremony" to $3,995 for "funeral service package with two services in our chapel or another location with visitation including two limousines". These packages include all handling and transportation services, use of the funeral home facilities, paperwork, embalming, and dressing. However, the handling services, the limousines/hearse, and the memorial services can be purchased separately. (For the sake of time, I chose not to do the math to see if we could get what we wanted for cheaper than the package rate. Think, if you will, that we got the Value Meal of burger, fries, and soft drink for less than the sum of those individual items.)

Cremation packages are a completely separate category. $1,210 will get you "direct cremation with no ceremony or services with container provided by purchaser" up to $3,655 for "service at another facility and public visitation followed by cremation". For my dad, we chose the "visitation at the mortuary followed by cremation" at $3,025.

Other items, naturally, are a la carte. (Here’s where it really gets expensive.) Memorial books (for guests’ signatures) can be $35 to $160 -- or they could be included in a package with prayer cards and thank you notes for $95 to $265. If you want a photo on the prayer cards, forget about the basic $50 for a set of 150 cards. You’ll need to put up $90 for a black and white photo or $175 for a color one. Video tributes are similarly priced. Crucifixes ($20 - $50) and rosaries ("from $9.95") are available for Roman Catholics, as are $125 shrouds for Jews. My dad’s flag was included, along with a clear, plastic, zippered case, but we could have upgraded to a wooden one for $95. Other, basic services are separate, as well: musician ("$100 or more"), clergy ("$200 to $300 or more"), even the "cemetery equipment (lowering device)" for $200.

Let’s move on to various containers. (You didn’t forget those, did you?) Funeral caskets (30 available) range from $995 for a "Belvedere Olive Hammertex lightweight steel" or a "Suntan cloth covered fiberboard" all the way up to $9,800 for either "ebony/gold brushed solid 48 ounce bronze" or "Parliament polished mahogany". (The five Orthodox Jewish caskets are $995 - $2,790.) Here’s where someone could really soak you. My mom and I, however, looked at each other and thought, "You want me to spend almost $10,000 on a box that will be used once and buried in the ground, never to be seen again?"

Wait. There’s more.

Grave liners ($395 or $595) and vaults ($625 - $10,825) are extra. You read that right; you can spend more on a vault, which is put in the ground and never seen, than on a casket, which is presumably seen at least once.

I feel the need to include the disclaimer that these items are usually not required by law, but "many cemeteries require that you have such a container so that the grave will not sink in". Okay, I’ll go for that. However, the next page in the price booklet lists several reasons (such as protection from water and from the weight of soil itself) why you might want to purchase one of these items. With all due respect to my father, I think that the statement, "A vault offers peace of mind by providing a safe, dry environment for the casket," won’t do much for his peace of mind -- and my mind will be at peace knowing that I didn’t waste my money on this.

Actually, all of these prices aren’t relevant to my dad’s situation, as we had him cremated. Cremation caskets (a dozen from which to choose) are an entirely different matter. They range from $85 for a plain "cardboard box with no lining" (Who would have thought a cardboard box would cost that much?) to $4,190 for "Clarion solid maple". Indeed, you can pay more for a box that will be burned up than one that will be buried. Go figure. We settled on the "Union cloth covered cardboard" (a medium-dark gray, which went nicely with the flag), two steps up from the cardboard box, for $395. In case anyone wants to point out the folly of buying a container to be burned, you can opt for a "hardwood ceremonial casket" (not burned) with a removable liner (burned). However, you still pay $395 for the liner, plus you have to rent the casket for $795. We could have wasted $800 right there.

Now then, what do you do with the cremains? There are 34 container choices at this point (not including the 10 miniature "keepsake urns" which resemble the full-size one, nor the 3 "urn vaults"). The "dark gray laminate" (plastic) container is $95, but for just $30 more, you could get one in "wood grain". Even biodegradable ones ("Unity heart" or "Embrace green") are more expensive. The top of the line is the "In Peace sculptured stainless steel" for $1,565. Yes, even the urns can cost more than the caskets. My mother preferred the simple, classic look of the "Lenox pewter" (engraved with my father’s name and dates of birth and death), and at $460, it is in the lowest third of the price range. (Hers, when the time comes, will be the same style.) Although we intend to bury the urn, all of the choices on display were suitable for setting in a place of honor. (My father’s is, at the moment, on the floor near his La-Z-Boy in the family room.)

This post wasn’t intended to be an object lesson for you, but it would be prudent for you to make your wishes known to your loved ones so they don’t go overboard when grieving for you (not to mention that payment will be required long before any life insurance benefits are given to your surviving family or friends). Many mortuaries, including this one, offer pre-payment of materials and services, so you can even select your means of disposition yourself, without worrying about inflation or additional charges when your time comes (which won’t be for many years, I hope!).