The Long and Short of It

Have you ever given much thought to the words we use each day? The more useful words tend to be shorter. Think of the Anglo-Saxons, or even earlier cultures, conveying meanings by varying simple sounds.

Domesticated animals have short names: cat, dog, cow, sheep, horse, fish, bird. Chicken is a little longer, but you still can make do with hen and cock.

Ages ago, people were closer to the earth: hoe, rock, dirt, weed, soil, ground, rake, peat, loam, silt, sand, clay. Now we have bulldozers and articulated loaders. They used to look at the moon. Now we can view our planet's satellite through a telescope.

A restaurant is a fancy word for a place that serves food. (The word can have three or four syllables, depending how expensive the establishment is.) Pretentious Americans like to use foreign words, as if it makes them sound more important. They consume international cuisine at gourmet bistros. I would prefer to eat at a diner or even a joint.

Would you like to go to Spain, France, or Greece, or would you rather vacation in the United States of America?

Objects, things we use or touch, are simpler than ideas. We drive in cars. We pay bills. We don't use the word antidisestablishmentarianism because it's too long. Well, maybe the viewers of encore presentations of documentaries on public television do, but many people would rather watch a sci-fi repeat on TV. (That's if you're not reading a book or perusing a piece of literature instead.)

Few people have intelligence. I have wit. Do you consider me humorous, funny, or droll? Some people take a constitutional. I go for a walk. You live in a house. I live in a condominium. (That's a big word meaning a small place.) We've come a long way from mud huts to multistory skyscrapers.

Did your grandmother position an antimacassar on the back of her davenport, or did your mom-mom put a doily on her couch?

The word president has three syllables. It makes him or her sound important. Kings and queens don't have as much power as they used to. Their job descriptions shrunk to match their titles. You would think that the prime minister has quite a complicated position, what with four syllables contained in two words.

Names are deliberately kept simple (I'll use only male names in this exercise): Mark, John, Scott, Todd. Even two syllable names like Michael, Douglas, Thomas, and David are abbreviated (a long word meaning to shorten). Do you know anyone named Aloysius? How about Al?

It appears as if I'm composing this on a computer (or a central processing unit) and watching my words appear on the monitor (which contains a cathode ray tube). Actually, I'm just typing at a desk with a box on it and looking at a screen.

Do I exercise at a fitness center or lift weights at a gym? Would you rather swim at a natatorium or at the pool? Do you like to ogle people of your preferred gender (or sex) if they are wearing bathing costumes or bikinis? Undergarments are utilitarian. Panties and briefs are sexy. Socks cost less than hosiery.

Shorter words are more friendly. Would you rather go to a doctor or consult a physician? Will s/he prescribe computerized axial tomography or send you for a CAT scan? Which costs more: medicine or pills? On the other hand, a therapist sounds more approachable than a shrink.

How many people smoke weed from a bong, and how many ignite cannabis or marijuana cigarettes? And is that a drug or a controlled substance?

Have you reached the conclusion, or is it just the end?