Boys Don't Make Passes at Girls who Wear Glasses

... and vice versa.

A Las Cruces eyeglass store advertises name-brand (i.e. expensive) designer glasses. Glasses nowadays come in all sorts of colors, shapes, and materials. When I was growing up in the 70's and 80's, all we had was "birth control glasses", which were dark brown, plastic, huge, and blocky, and assured you that you would not receive any personal advances... from anyone... ever.

Another feature of today’s glasses is the "slimmer" lenses. For someone with my prescription strength, I say it’s about darn time. I can finally get away from lenses thick enough to have their own gravitational field. There’s a catch, though. (There always has to be.) If I want slimmer lenses with my prescription, I have to put them in huge and blocky frames. If I want smaller, less noticeable, and (dare I hope?) cool frames, I have to go with thicker lenses.

My prescription thwarts me in another way. Back in the late 80's/early 90's, eyeglass stores began advertising "glasses in an hour." Now it’s "in about an hour". See how the guarantee softened? That’s my fault (well, and other people with difficult prescriptions). I was home from college for one weekend, and I needed new glasses. My parents took me to a "one hour" place so I could receive my glasses while I was in Albuquerque and not worry about arranging another ride home in two weeks to pick them up. We returned to the store in an hour and was told not only that my glasses weren’t ready but that it would be another two hours before they would be, because I have a "difficult" prescription. You’d think that, after hundreds of years and with technological improvements, something like eyeglasses would be a piece of cake. "Nothing simple is ever easy" (Plucky Duck).

Have you ever looked at the models chosen by eyeglass stores, I mean really looked? First off, they’re wearing fake glasses. The lenses are so thin that they’re either just plain plastic, or the prescription is so light that you wonder why they need glasses at all. Second, the models are very attractive, with or without glasses. Where were these models when birth control glasses were around?

A new TV show this season is called Ugly Betty. I know nothing about this show, but I never intend to watch it. First, I am insulted on behalf of my very good friend Betty. (Admittedly, I wouldn’t be as upset if I didn’t actually know anyone named Betty, but it’s still insulting to anyone named Betty.) Second, ads for the program show a girl with dark brown, huge, blocky glasses, and braces. Thank you, Hollywood, for perpetuating the stereotype that people who wear glasses (or braces) are unattractive.

While I’m on the subject, there are other stereotypes I’m sick of (having been subjected to them for years by my peers). Here’s a snippet by Joel Perry from the August 2006 issue of Instinct magazine, which I find applicable.

Playing sports is stupid because... well, because... oh, okay, you got me. But participating is something else altogether. Even I have to admit that getting off my doughy ass and getting the blood moving actually feels pretty great.

The key here is "participating", not badgering, belittling, or winning-at-any-cost. That’s what turned "jock" into a dirty word for us so-called "sissies" in the first place.

For those of us who grew up being called sissy, the word was ugly and hurtful. We were the last to be picked by jock captains for teams we didn’t want to join in the first place, and the taunting bullies taught us to loathe sports. That’s why many of us are so disdainful of jocks -- we carry bully damage from being abused by them.

Frankly, it’s baggage we could well lose. It’s time to reclaim "sissy" and take on the jocks -- not with bats and lacrosse sticks, but with our own unique weapons: Wit! Sarcasm! Gerunds!

I don’t recall if I was ever called "sissy", but I probably was. I was called every other name in the book because I wore glasses... was taller than everyone else (even my teachers, starting in sixth grade)... preferred reading over sports... had acne... outgrew my clothes... put on weight. Sigmund Freud had the right concept, that childhood experiences shape the adult. The problems I have accepting myself today stem from all the verbal abuse I received from my peer group growing up, and it appears that (stylish, attractive, glasses-wearing models notwithstanding) society has a long way to go in breaking down stereotypes.