Pair of Dimes

I've been thinking a lot about my dad lately. One day, I thought of him early in the morning, either as I was shaving or when brushing my teeth after breakfast, and I wondered how often I think of him during the day. It turned out to be five times that day.

After he died, I had no problem saying "was" instead of "is" when referring to him. TV show and book characters almost always have difficulty with that, and they end up apologizing to whomever they are speaking, and then they sound awkward. While this seems like a reasonable, even probable, behavior, I must admit that it didn't happen to me.

Speaking of my father in the past tense is easy. Not speaking of him in the present tense is easy. However, not speaking of him in the future tense is incredibly difficult. Fairly often, I think, "I'd like to tell him about this," or, "I'd like to ask him about this," neither of which, of course, will be possible. I still want him to be around.

I need to change the way I think -- not that I want to stop remembering my father, but that want to ease off of thinking that I'll still be able to talk to him. I suppose this will happen eventually.