Work Orders

Every two weeks, I have to close work orders that are completed by my crew. (A work order is an assigned task trackable by computer.) Most of them have to do with pruning or pest control. Some of them can be humorous.

Due to missing punctuation, we were asked to "help ants" in someone's office. (I don't know what our pest control technician helped them do.)

"Very bad ants" were reported "all over the sidewalk". That begs the question: How do you spank an ant when it has been bad?

We had to prune "a bush that has thorns which are attacking passersby". I'm impressed. Rarely do we get work orders that are both anthropomorphic and grammatically correct.

"A spider was found yesterday, and they would appreciate someone spraying there." Since "spider" is singular, shouldn't the work order read "it would appreciate"? (Side note: are people so afraid of one tiny spider - a beneficial organism, by the way - that they can't step on it or swat it themselves?)

"Plum tree ready to pick." That's nice. Thanks for telling me. Now do you want me to do something about it?

"Ants are crawling up building and could possibly enter through windows." Solution: Keep your windows shut.

"Plant plants in potters." But do you think the clay workers will remember to water them?

"Police station parking lot: Please replace open manhole cover in the police dept parking lot. The cover is off and the hole is not protected properly. Some special event cones (police) were placed around it so that a pedestrian or a vehicle will not find their way into it." You mean that, with all those people trained to respond both mentally and physically in a variety of situations, they couldn't do it themselves? (It's probably not in their job descriptions.)

A nice change of pace was being told to "not water the lawn" before a picnic. Usually, work orders tell us to do something.

"Adjust timer on sprinklers in front area. They stay on too long." Thank you for telling professional, degreed grounds managers how to do their jobs.

I am not making this up. We had a request to trap skunks and squirrels at one of the sororities. The house mother who requested it is named "Bunni".

The sprinkler "on the side near the road sprays water into the bedroom window". I'll grant you that it shouldn't be spraying the house, but help yourself out and close the window.

These were all completed in the past two weeks. Imagine how many similar requests we get the other 50 weeks in a year.