Where are we going to find rubber pants our size?

I went to a well-known discount department store the other day because they had jeans which I like on sale. Just to make sure I still wear the same size (hope springs eternal that I’ve gotten thinner since I started working out), I took a pair to the fitting room -- which was locked. I asked at the customer service desk if I may try on the jeans. The girl manning (?) it didn’t have the keys, so she paged one of the employees. I waited at least five minutes, and the girl paged the coworker again. Just when I was about to go back to the desk and tell the girl that her coworker had just lost them a sale, the coworker happens to pass by, notice me, and then said that she didn’t hear the page (twice).

I should probably write to the store manager and ask him to read my letter during the next staff meeting. Come to think of it, I should probably write the regional vice-president and tell him that they need to replace the missing and water-stained ceiling panels -- and, by the way, fix the roof, too. Plus, given that I had ample time to look around, I figured out that one of the reasons I like a competing store is that it doesn’t look so warehouse-like. I could see rack after rack of items, every stinking bare fluorescent bulb on the ceiling, and the screaming white walls and floor tiles. There was nothing to distract the eye; it was almost overwhelming. (This is the same department store that went through bankruptcy proceedings a few years ago and then "successfully" bounced back. I don’t think this particular location got the message.)

The most unfortunate thing is that this chain is the only one that sells my favorite casual/work slacks. Can I ever find them in my size, though? Of course not. I’ve gone late in the week, to avoid the first-day-of-sale crowds. None my size. (Is everyone in town as big as I? I haven’t met anyone like that.) I’ve gone on the first day, just in case they run out later. (There are plenty with my waist size but with inseams as short as my dad’s. Are there only short, fat men in town?) I really didn’t expect them to be in stock when they weren’t on sale, but I looked anyway. (I’m too tall for a regular store but too short for a big & tall store.)

What’s really sad is that I phoned the manufacturer and ordered some directly, and even they didn’t get my order right. Now I’m just hoarding the trousers, wearing them a little at a time, so they don’t wear out. (Unless, of course, you know someone who’d like to see me pantsless.)