Holiday Humor

I've been cleaning out old e-mails and wanted to share some humor posts on my blog, rather than store them on my hard drive. In the spirit of the season, I offer these.

Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged
Schizophrenia - "Do You Hear What I Hear?"
Multiple Personality - "We Three Queens Disoriented Are"
Dementia - "I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas"
Narcissism - "Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)"
Mania - "Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town..."
Paranoia - "Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me"
Personality Disorder - "You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, then maybe I'll tell you why."
Depression - "Silent anhedonia, Holy anhedonia. All is calm, All is pretty lonely."
Obsessive Compulsive - "Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell..."
Borderline Personality - "Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire"
Passive Aggressive - "On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away)"

Christmas Puns
This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his hometown for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs Benedict." His order comes a while later and it is served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?" The waiter says, "Well, there's no plates like chrome for the hollandaise."

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the middle of the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," said the manager, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

Good King Wenceslas phoned Pizza Hut with his order.
"Is that the usual?", the employee asked.
"Yes, deep pan, crisp and even."