The Case of the Noticeably Subtle Neighbor

Last Thursday night/Friday morning, I was awakened by one of my neighbors playing music in the middle of the night. I couldn't tell if it was next door or one of the guys downstairs, and I wasn't about to climb out of bed and get dressed just to go outside and see if whose lights were on, although they could be off anyway, so I wouldn't really learn anything for all that effort. The next morning, I observed an unexpected car in the street, so I thought, "Hmm, my next door neighbor (whom I will call Pinocchio) must have had a guest last night." (The car had Georgia plates and a parking sticker from a college I've never heard of, but there were no other clues to the identity of the owner.)

Saturday night/Sunday morning, I was awakened by music at 2:50 a.m., which lasted until 3:30 a.m. (long enough for an album, if anyone besides me listens to CD's any more). "Oho!" I thought, "I wonder if Pinocchio's guest is a lady friend and he's trying to mask any conspicuous noises." I was quite cranky then, since I had to get up at 4:30 a.m. to get my laps in before heading for breakfast first thing (7 a.m.) at Aretha Frankenstein's, to beat the crowds. The last thing I needed was my sleep interrupted by someone who was getting some. When I went for my laps in the morning, I saw no car outside, so I figured Pinocchio's guest didn't stick around this time.

At 11:00 that morning, I was nodding off and decided to take a nap, but the music was on again. Thankfully, it didn't last long. Half an hour later, Pinocchio and a young woman exited his apartment and left in his big honkin' SUV. "Aha!" said the Brainy Smurf side of me. "I was right!" I lay down and, woefully, could not fall asleep, but the hour of rest still got me through the remainder of the day.

So now, I ask your advice, gentle readers. How do I inform Pinocchio that he either needs to cut out the middle-of-the-night music or find a quieter girlfriend?