While You Were Out

I amassed nearly 200 e-mails to my campus account and 34 to my company account while I was on vacation. Only a few were interesting, and barely any of them were worth commenting on.

In "Stuff for Paper Bag Game" a teacher named Skeeter (honestly -- we also have "Buck" Rogers working here) invited us to donate items for an economics game to be played by his students. He wrote, "If you have 'stuff' of more or less value to teenaged boys that you are willing to part with..." (If he sent this e-mail to the parents, he might get more than a few replies about teenagers the parents are willing to part with!)

"Request to paint an office" was, naturally, a request to paint an office prior to a new employee starting work. The employee's name is Joe Painter. (Why don't they just ask him to do it himself once he gets here?)

The guy who wrote "Mice still around..." has a problem I'm not qualified to handle. "We still have mice roaming around the Tate Hall 3rd floor office. They seem to be avoiding the sticky traps entirely; there are several around our office. Since that wasn't working, I purchased two containers of D-Con. After they devoured the first one in December, I bought a large one, which they have now eaten entirely. This morning, I found two of them in the D-Con box. They promptly ran away. What should we do next?" (My first instinct is that he should sue D-Con for making a faulty product. Then notify the EPA or somebody that we have poison-resistant mice running around.)

I also got a message via the address I use for e-clubs and coupons. A nationally known discount store offered me "20-20-10" -- not fertilizer, but if I spend $20 or more on my next 20 visits, they'll take 10% off of a future purchase. No deal, Howie. This was my second visit to the store in seven months, and all I bought was four light bulbs for $1.50. At that rate, it would take me ten years to shop there 20 times, and I'd never need $20 worth of anything they have. Their 10% (which isn't much of a discount anyway) is safe from me.