Smile! You’re on ‘Candid Camera’.

When we arrived at work this morning, there was a pile of dung* and a white sock outside our shop building. I thought it might have been a dog, but a dog would’ve gone under one of the trees, wouldn’t it? Perhaps a transient did it, but he would’ve gone around the back of the building to be hidden from street view, wouldn’t he?

I pulled up the recording from our security cameras and traced the time back through the weekend. (The mess definitely wasn’t there when we left work on Friday.) At 12:23 a.m. on Saturday, a dark SUV pulled into the parking lot, and a heavyset woman exited the driver’s door. She opened the passenger door on her side of the vehicle and did something. She then removed her shorts, squatted over the asphalt and relieved herself, then stood up, reopened the passenger door, wiped herself (presumably with the sock she left behind), put her shorts back on, and drove off. (Um, is this where I’m supposed to come up with a gross pun about the sock and her behind?)

Not that I ever thought I’d have to keep track of something like this, but this incident has to be the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen on camera. It’s a good thing it was too dark for details, or my eyeballs would still be burning, and I wouldn’t be able to type this.

I couldn’t determine the color or make and model of the SUV, and it wasn’t facing the right way to show me the license plate. The kicker here is that, based on the direction it entered the parking lot, I figure she had to have driven right by the port-a-potty next to the sidewalk on the very same block.

So, how’s your Monday going?



* What’s brown and sounds like a bell?