I need a fix.... Er, solution.

The university has updated its drug policy for employees. Sub tripped... er, walked us through it.

According to the list of possible indicators of drug use, someone who is on drugs may exhibit "excessive sweating or skin clamminess", have "loud, boisterous", "repetitious, rambling", "rapid, pressured" speech, and "excessive talkativeness". Aha! Maybe Ob's not just that way; maybe he's on drugs.

Similarly, I identified another employee's traits on the list. This person is "irritable, moody, belligerent", has "lack of motivation" and a "lackadaisical, apathetic attitude", and shows a "reduced quality/quantity of work".

What a relief! I'm not stressed because of losing my job; I must be on drugs.