(Insert witty bicycle reference here.)

You know, if I keep writing about my bicycle endeavors, I'm going to have to expand my knowledge of bike-related songs, puns, and whathaveyou.

Last night, I started reading The Complete Book of Bicycle Commuting (John S. Allen, 1981, Rodale Press), which I bought last week. I thought you might like to hear about some of the parts I found interesting.

The introduction, as I expected, sounds a bit dated. Before you read this bit, keep in mind that it was published less than a decade after the gas crisis of the early 1970's (Remember? When there actually wasn't enough gasoline to go around; it wasn't just people whining about the price?), and Jimmy Carter was barely out of office.

In 1975, approximately 500,000 Americans commuted to work by bicycle. The U.S. Department of Transportation estimates that, by 1985, up to 2.5 million cyclists will be commuting. With the price of gasoline headed toward $2 a gallon by 1981 and $3 by 1985, there is every reason to believe that the above estimates will be surpassed by a wide margin.

The book encourages me to purchase from a reputable store with an in-house mechanic, otherwise caveat emptor. Then it says that, "Every manufacturer puts out a catalog of its bikes which is usually a small pamphlet or fold-out sheet printed in inviting colors. Bike shops are happy to give away these catalogs for free."

The first bike store I visited (see "Where the Rubber Meets the Road, 7/14/08) was the only one to offer me a catalog, and I was reluctant to accept it. Not only, mind you, because everything inside is gibberish to my uneducated mind, but also because it looked like a really fancy magazine, with full-color, cardstock covers and glossy pages. Also, it was quite thick, with detailed, illustrated specifications pages. It was hardly a "small pamphlet or fold-out sheet printed in inviting colors." This thing cost serious money to produce.

I think what I shall do is sit down at a computer with someone who knows bicycles (perhaps Gym Rat or G) before returning to any of the stores. Then, maybe that person can explain why three different bikes from three different stores are, indeed, different, rather than me thinking, "A bike is a bike is a bike." (Apologies to Gertrude Stein.)

Page two of the book has a diagram titled, "Side view of the bicycle, with major parts labeled". There are 17 parts identified. None of them is the seat, the handlebars, the pedals, or the wheels. If those aren't "major parts", then I'm in way over my head.

The first truly useful thing the book told me was to check with Consumer Reports magazine, Bicycling magazine (conveniently also published by Rodale Press), or the magazine's "Bicycling Buyer's Guide". I didn't find a link for that; I think it's a special issue they publish each year within a regular month. However, the magazine does provide an online Gear and Bike Review Finder, so I can search out riders' comments on particular brands. Rodale Press also offers the Complete Guide to Bicycle Maintenance and Repair, which I probably ought to buy. (Those "This Also Might Interest You" links will get you every time.)

The next useful information came in the chapter about clothing. I had already thought of a helmet, gloves, a reflective vest, and ties/clasps to keep my pants from tangling in the chain, but I never knew you could buy a mirror that attaches to the helmet. I also ought to buy safety glasses (one tinted pair for daytime, one clear for night), in case a car in front of me kicks up a rock, or if a bug tries to commit hara kiri on my face.

The one insanely useful thing that this book lacks is a glossary to define all the terms which are new to me but, I guess, familiar to someone deciding to commute on a bike after having experience of riding casually. I'll give you several examples after this excerpt from the "One-Speeds" section of "Your Gears and How to Use Them". (I have gears? I never knew that. No wonder doctors get paid more than mechanics.)

The most common one-speed rear hub is the coaster brake hub, suitable for around-town use in relatively flat places. The brake is waterproof, a great advantage in the rain.

A coaster brake must always be used along with a hand brake on the front wheel. A rear wheel brake has only half the stopping power of a front brake, so it is unsafe for panic stops. Also, a coaster brake is not useful for long downhill runs; it will overheat until the grease boils out from inside. If your riding includes long downhills, install two hand brakes in addition to the coaster brake, and use the hand brakes on downhills.

A coaster brake prevents you from back-pedaling, so you must work harder on pedal technique to start, stop, and corner.

What's a hub?
Grease? What grease? And what does it boil out from inside of?
Why does a coaster brake prevent you from back-pedaling?

I think I need lessons even more remedial than this. Do you suppose Mr. Kotter can teach me anything about bicycles?