Anhydrous Wit

Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

The Early Bird Gets the Rent Reduction

Nearly every month, the apartment newsletter states that residents who pay their rent by the first of the month are eligible for a drawing, for which the prize is a $25 discount on the following month's rent.  I've pondered how they draw the winner from the group, but I've never held my breath in anticipation of my name being selected.  Today, I saw the wizard behind the curtain.  (Yes, I know I'm mixing up cliches now.)

As the apartment manager filled out my receipt this afternoon, she looked up at me and said, "Cap'n, you always pay your rent on time.  Congratulations.  You're this month's winner."

I figured it would be something a little more complicated than that!

Monday, September 29, 2014

Indecent Exposure

"...where he stopped to confer with his secretary in professional undertones before leading us up a curving staircase..." (Aunt Dimity's Good Deed by Nancy Atherton)

I don't care how professional they are; it's not right for a woman to wear nothing but undertones in the workplace!  ;)

The End of an Era

Earlier this afternoon, I heard on NPR's All Things Considered that no more cartoons are being shown on Saturday mornings.  I think I'll wear a black armband this weekend.

Monday, September 22, 2014

As Long as You Don't Try to Neuter Me, I'm Fine

"Percy was a comfortable middle-aged bachelor with quiet tastes and fastidious habits, who distributed his contempt equally among small children, yipping dogs, and noisy adults.  His own manners were impeccable, his reputation blameless.  In fact, Percy would have been considered somewhat stuffy, had he been a man.  Being a cat, he was admired for his good behavior."  (From "Weekend of the Big Puddle" in The Cat Who Had 14 Tales by Lilian Jackson Braun)

Saturday, September 20, 2014


At the first thrift store this afternoon, I found blue trousers my size!  In fact, they were brand new, Unifirst trousers, eminently suitable for working.  Even better, they had two pairs, so I bought both.  (And one book.)  I only bothered with the other thrift stores because I was the chauffeur for the day.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

I Shoulda Stood in Bed

I remember some of the weird dream I was having before my alarm clock went off this morning.  I was a member of a group (both men and women) either taking a class at the fire station or actually in training to become firefighters.  (Ha!  Can you imagine me as a fireman?)  We stood in front of a TV to watch a line-drawing, animated video of how a bullet would pass through several of us in one go.  I felt very uncomfortable "down there" and realized that the fire chief, who was teaching our class, standing in front of me had reached back and started groping me.  (That's what I get for being the tallest and standing in the back row.)  Pointing out something in the video, I commented to the shortest woman in the class, "Look, it [the bullet] passed right over your head and into my abdomen."  "Really?  I didn't see that," the fire chief lied, and replayed the video.  He resumed his place in front of me, reached back again, but found my upper thigh.  I could tell by the way the fabric of my trousers moved that I had thermal underwear on.

I was curious why the fire chief was groping me, but certainly not aroused.  (I mean, he was old.)  But the real reason I'm intrigued by the dream is that I seldom have self-awareness in my dreams.  Whether I am a participant, inhabit someone else's body, or merely observe as a presence, I rarely observe myself.  Only one other dream I remember indicates feeling in my legs.  In it, I was walking through tall grass, which I felt on my shins.  Thus, I figured either I was wearing shorts or I was naked.  In this dream, I definitely was wearing trousers (and then some).

On top of that, everyone went abso-frickin-lutely crazy at work today.  There were arguments.  There were threats of physical violence.  There was stupidity.  (More than usual, I mean.)  There were phone calls.  There was rain which kept us from working.  "Oh, hell, it's not even nine o'clock?!" I woefully observed.  Yes, the dream was more enjoyable, even if it included a scrotty, old man.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Yeah, Well You Didn't Catch It, Either!

I just realized, two days after posting my latest thrift store quest, that I had said that the suit trousers I found are "unsuitable" for work.

I'm glad that I'm capable of thinking up such puns unintentionally, but it disappoints me that I didn't realize I did so.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Do I Look Like a Hairdresser to You?

One of the temps we brought on this week calls me "Mister Robert".  I think he has me confused with the head of the temp agency, whose name is Robert.  Oh well, he's here for only a few weeks, and I won't be interacting with him every day.  I won't bother correcting him.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Correcting an Oversight

A friend called me this evening and, during the conversation, asked about my job search.  It was a timely reminder, as I received the e-mail a few days ago that, again, I was not selected for the Lubbock position.  (Again, I wasn't even called for a first round interview.  Did they have someone in mind already?  Are there that many qualified grounds managers seeking employment these days?)  So, the search goes on.  At least I am still employed, so it's not an urgent search for a paycheck.

Also, I can update you about my thrift store hunt earlier this evening.  I found a pair of navy blue trousers in my size!  Alas, they were suit trousers and totally unsuitable for my "business casual which often gets dirty" need.  It looks like I'm going to have to move up to cheap-retail stores next.

All right, yes, I did get some books.  This time, I'll defend myself by saying that three were on my wishlist, one is a classic mystery I'm not likely to find even in the public library because of its age, one was a gardening book I'm not likely to see again (even if it's not relevant to my current gardening status), and that Portuguese/English dictionary might come in handy some day (although crossword puzzles usually limit their language references to French, German, Spanish, and Latin).

I also bought this nifty London street map jigsaw puzzle.  It's not that I need another puzzle, but it does keep with my theme of buying more puzzles only if I've actually been to the place(s) in the picture.

It's Like Cheap Dinner Theater

I stopped by my local pizza joint, NYC Pizza, to pick up a pie.*  I go to this place because it is authentic, East Coast pizza.  How authentic?  The owner (and his sons) speak with Brooklyn accents.  The sauce is just sweet enough.  The size is large enough that you can fold your slice in half (lengthwise) to eat it.  Plus, as I learned during this visit, they speak with Brooklyn attitude.

I walked up to the counter.  The owner was on the phone.  The "f-ing bitch" took 200 "f-ing dollars" without "f-ing" permission.  (I'll spare you the rest of the conversation.)  In short, he was telling his friend about an employee (I'm guessing a soon-to-be-ex-employee) who needed money for something and took it from the cash register.  He kept his telephone conversation going as he took my order (accurately).  I was quite surprised, as I don't expect business owners to use profanity in front of customers, then realized, "Oh yeah, New York."  Now that's authentic!

* I seem to be physically incapable of eating just one slice of pizza at a sitting.

Saturday, September 13, 2014


My goal today was to buy new trousers for work.  All I needed was navy blue, casual slacks.  I tried four thrift stores.  Given the difficulty I have finding pants my size in retail stores, it didn't surprise me that there weren't any in the thrift stores, either.

I didn't return home empty-handed, though.  Oh no.  I bought an owl vase (see picture below), a commemorative plate featuring a Burlington Northern/Santa Fe Railroad train, a blue/black/white checked, Tommy Hilfiger, long-sleeved shirt; and 17 books (11 of which were on my wishlist).

My name is Cap'n, and I'm a Bookaholic.

Friday, September 12, 2014

Mr. (Weather) Wizard

I definitely need training on my weather wizarding capabilities.  It took until after lunch today for the rain to start, and it's only a light rain, not enough to rinse off my car thoroughly.  Plus, it's darn chilly (below 60 degrees) and breezy, and I certainly didn't ask for that!

My capability of screwing up technical things, as an offshoot of my wizardry, also needs fine tuning.  On my first day back this week, one of my employees brought a piece of equipment in for repair.  This is nothing new.  In fact, he breaks something (mower, weedeater, etc.) nearly every day.  However, another of my employees told me, "He didn't break anything last week, while you were gone."

Am I a catalyst?  Does he really break things only when I'm present?  I'm willing to experiment by taking more time off -- but only if they pay me to stay away!

Thursday, September 11, 2014

You Can Catch More Flies with Vinegar than with Honey

I know the cliche goes the other way around, but it's not true (at least not for me).

Early every summer, a couple of us at work get infested with fungus gnats or fruit flies or something in our offices.  The pest control company puts out a container of something that's supposed to attract and drown the tiny insects.  The liquid inside it smells like vinegar.

This afternoon, I scrubbed the front of my car to remove all the bits of insect corpses accumulated during my recent trip back home.  Then, I scrubbed my windshield.  For the front of my car, I used plain water.  For the windshield, I used the vinegar/water solution that I normally use as a glass cleaner.  Flies were drawn to the windshield as I cleaned it.

I opened my sliding glass door a bit this evening.  (Now that the painting is done, I might get the screen door installed soon.)  At least one fly came in to the apartment.  It flew around the bowl with the residues of the raspberry yogurt I had for dessert, but it never landed.

There are three examples of insects preferring sour over sweet.  Unless, of course, the insects are like the humans in Tulsa, who do things exactly opposite of what I expect.

Tuesday, September 09, 2014

Back in the Saddle

I'm back from my vacation.  The painting was finished while I was out of town, so I put my flowerpots and deck chair back on the patio this afternoon.  (Then I vacuumed all the flower petals off my living room carpet.)  I also went grocery shopping* on my way home from work.  Later this evening, I'll walk to the library to return my vacation books and audiobooks and pick up one to read.  (Never fear; I have plenty borrowed from Betty to tide me over until my latest library requests come in.)

* The grocery had some special-order salsas, but I'm already going through chile withdrawal.