Anhydrous Wit

Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Triple Witching

In the investment world, stock index futures, stock index options, and stock options expire quarterly, on the same day. This is called "triple witching". I thought I would borrow the term to relate the three positive things that happened at the gym yesterday.

1) The scale says I lost four pounds in the last three weeks.

2) A fellow gym patron told me that working out seemed to be working out (ahem) because it appeared that I had lost weight. (This seems to agree with an exercise book I am reading that says the first five to ten pounds is visible to others, with your clothes on, but the weight loss you'll notice in the mirror has to be more substantial. I certainly haven't noticed any difference.)

3) There is NO third thing! (Shut up, Cardinal Ximenez!) The gym employee mentioned in the previous post has me attempting a maneuver called the "jackknife". Apparently, it's all where you place your hands. I was much closer to successfully reaching the position this time.

Take a Hike

Last weekend, I went hiking for the first time. (Sorry, Robomarkov, you weren't my first.) It was nowhere near as horribly painful and excruciatingly difficult as I had imagined. (Note that I am not an outdoorsy person.)

I hiked up Tortugas Mountain (often called "A" Mountain because of the large, white "A" for Aggies painted on it) with my friend/employee from my gym. It took us just about an hour up and back, including a rest and water break at the top. (We also saw three goats!) He explained to me an interesting bit about human physiology, that the hike seemed strenuous at first because our bodies were burning sugars as an immediate fuel source, but after five to ten minutes, our metabolism switched over to reserve energy -- something about creatine phosphate, which is involved in the Krebs Cycle. (That I know about, as it occurs in plants, too.)

As an example, he asked if I could hear how heavily he was breathing as we started out. "No," I replied, "I was huffing and puffing too loudly to hear anything but myself."

Friday, April 20, 2007

Pair of Dimes

I've been thinking a lot about my dad lately. One day, I thought of him early in the morning, either as I was shaving or when brushing my teeth after breakfast, and I wondered how often I think of him during the day. It turned out to be five times that day.

After he died, I had no problem saying "was" instead of "is" when referring to him. TV show and book characters almost always have difficulty with that, and they end up apologizing to whomever they are speaking, and then they sound awkward. While this seems like a reasonable, even probable, behavior, I must admit that it didn't happen to me.

Speaking of my father in the past tense is easy. Not speaking of him in the present tense is easy. However, not speaking of him in the future tense is incredibly difficult. Fairly often, I think, "I'd like to tell him about this," or, "I'd like to ask him about this," neither of which, of course, will be possible. I still want him to be around.

I need to change the way I think -- not that I want to stop remembering my father, but that want to ease off of thinking that I'll still be able to talk to him. I suppose this will happen eventually.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Trust Me. I'm a Professional.

At work, we recently received a (second) bill for the "professional" landscape plan at the university's arena. This is the same site for which I had already completed a plan, and which Boss approved, before he asked his friend, the "professional" to do a design. We then waited a month for the plan, and when it arrived, it was a hand-drawn rough draft. We used it anyway. Over a month later, and after the installation was complete, the official, clean, computer-drawn plan arrived. Now, a month after the final plan arrived, we have received a second bill.

As if I wasn't irked enough by that, I got a look at the bill. The hourly rate they charged for a "Designer" was $72.50! I need to show Boss that and ask for a raise. It's enough to make me think of going into the landscape design business on the side.

Check This Out

I stopped off at the grocery store on the way home from work today....

Note to Self: being able to tell people I was done for the day and buying food when they still had two hours left at work = good; being stuck in line behind housewives, retirees, and the woman who, apparently, was in charge of her church's cookout = bad. (She had two shopping carts completely full of carrots, lettuce, tomatoes, celery, potatoes, onions, and charcoal lighter fluid.)

.... I had plenty of time in line to peruse the magazines, candy, and impulse items strategically placed alongside the checkout line. Observation 1: I did not recognize any names nor faces of the celebrities on the magazine covers. (This is merely independent confirmation that I have dropped off the face of the earth.) Observation 2: Since when are bags of cotton balls an "Oh yeah, I almost forgot!" item? Observation 3: One mainstream women's magazine touted "The 10 Things Men Crave in Bed". Now I want sex as much as the next guy, but how much do you want to bet that "sleep" wasn't on that list?

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Holier than Thou

I was at a red light yesterday evening, behind a car that had a license plate frame which read, "W.W.J.D." at the top and, "What would Jesus do?" at the bottom.

So I was thinking, "He'd probably use His turn signal."