Anhydrous Wit

Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Monday, July 23, 2012

A change is as good as a rest.

How is it that I've been on a roof twice in the three years I've held this job but nowhere else I've worked?  I told one of my employees, "I'm the grounds manager, not the rooves manager."

On Friday, my crew had to get on the (flat) roof of a building to cut up part of a tree which had fallen onto it.  Silly me, I thought it a nice opportunity to see what that dorm looked like on the inside.  Curiosity killed the cat, as they say, and I ended up on the roof with my crew.  I still don't know how I ended up sweeping water to the roof drains.  (And why wasn't the water draining on its own?  And why do people make anything but pitched rooves in the first place?)

Mind you, I'd still prefer a rest, so I'm glad that my semi-annual vacation trip to New Mexico begins tomorrow.  (If you don't hear from me until August, that's why.)

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Mr. Language Person strikes again.

If the plural of "index" is "indices" (Yes, it is!  Look it up.), shouldn't the singular of "accomplices" be "accomplex"?

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The runny nose isn't so bad...

...but what bothers me about having a cold is the constant sinus pressure, as if my head is preparing to explode (but, aggravatingly, never does so).  Naturally, I find myself saying, "My brain hurts."

Monday, July 16, 2012

Mr. Jossly Legume

I have come down with a cold.  It started after lunch on Friday with a headache (I thought it might have been MSG in one of the foods I ate, but the dining staff checked the ingredients lists, and it wasn't on there) and a slightly sore throat.  (The sore throat is my typical start-of-a-cold symptom.)  I figured I'd spend the weekend resting at home, since conserving energy helps me overcome colds more quickly.

My symptoms stuck with a mild uneasiness until Sunday afternoon.  Thing One asked me to escort her to a laundromat, since she wasn't sure she'd be comfortable there on her own.  (It turned out to be fine.)  While her rug was in the large washer, we stopped by a thrift store.  I found a ceramic owl figurine with a small chip in it, a candleholder in the shape of a watering can (which would go well with my other mosquito candleholders on the porch), and a mystery novel.  Then, at the cash register, I saw two, small owl figurines on the display case behind the counter, and a pair of larger owls on a shelf on the wall.  (If I had known it would be that easy, I would've walked up there right away.)

The owl pair are "cast stone", which I'm guessing is stone dust mixed with some sort of liquid that hardens.  The larger owl looks like this.  The smaller owl looks like this.  According to the first link, that owl went for $75.  Another website claims the second owl, though smaller than the first, sold for $95.  My receipt wasn't itemized, but I can tell you that the most expensive items I bought were $8 or $6.  Either other people got ripped off, or I got a steal.

After the laundromat, Thing One and I browsed one of the indoor flea markets (owl music box for $8 and overpriced, framed photo for $18) and picked up some dinner to take home because she didn't feel like cooking.  It was about the time we got back to her house that my sinus pressure and runny nose started, so I've probably passed along my cold to Thing One and her mom.

What with the sinus headache and runny nose, it took me quite a while to fall asleep.  I woke up in the middle of the night, after dreaming about Thing One's extended family.  We had returned to her house quite late, and I was going to sleep on the sofa, but everyone was up and talking about how late it was.  So, after not falling asleep and then after dreaming about not sleeping, I figure I'm not going to function well today.

Just before my alarm went off, I started a rather Dickensian dream.  Mr. Jossly Legume had to dispose of two bodies (a man and a woman) and went to his crony's legitimate place of business to acquire said friend's help.  However, two less-than-reputable coworkers of his friend met him at the business, but before I could figure out how they would insinuate themselves into the situation, the alarm woke me up.

Friday, July 13, 2012

I would've figured it out sooner, but I had a headache.

I recently purchased a store brand of flavored tortilla chips.  After the first few times I ate some, I thought I felt a little "off", but I wasn't sure.  Last night, I realized I had a headache.  "I wonder if the chips have MSG," I pondered.  Sure enough, it's on the ingredients list.  Scratch that snack food off my list.

Thursday, July 05, 2012

The Weird, Wide Nephew of my Uncle Sam

Dear America,

I'm sure they were pretty.  I hope you had fun.  Now won't you please respect those of us who were trying to sleep because we have to get up for work at dark-thirty in the morning?


P.S.  If I drove to work, and if I had enough time, I would honk my horn outside all of your houses on my way to the office.

Monday, July 02, 2012

Don't worry. I've already smacked myself for this one.

If Captain Chlorophyll, my superhero alter-ego, is able to disguise himself as a tree in order to elude or confuse bad guys, would that be considered the power of invisibilitree?

Too Hot to Handle

It has passed 100 degrees F here in Tennessee for the past several days.  Not only is this highly unusual, but the humidity has been relatively low.  (When I breathe, I don't feel as if I'm sucking in a plastic bag.)

Naturally, this makes my crew reluctant to work (not that the grass is growing anyway, even with the water we give it), but it's too hot to sit at home and do nothing.  (I read this weekend, so that's not doing nothing.)

Heck, it's so hot, I can't even come up with wittiness besides the title.  Oh well, at least I can still be anhydrous.