Anhydrous Wit

Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Monday, May 25, 2020

Middle-Aged Curmudgeon

I've commented before that computers, the internet, and other forms of technology and I have a "cold war" of sorts.  We view each other with distrust & suspicion.  Today's update is:  same ol' same ol'.

The other day, I mentioned that I tore the only pair of jeans that still fits me.  With clothing stores closed or restricted, I finally gave in and browsed online.  I thought I found stores that had what I need.  ("I think so, Brain, but where are we going to find rubber pants our size?"  --Pinky)  Unfortunately, they didn't.  These are websites, after all, a form of technology that hates me.

I ordered two pairs of jeans from one website and some underwear from another.  In answer to your question:  no, of course I couldn't get everything from one place.  One had jeans but not underwear in my size, and the other had underwear but not jeans in my size.  I probably could have ordered elsewhere, but both would have been more expensive.

Moments ago, I got an e-mail from one of the stores that one of the two pairs of jeans I ordered was cancelled.  Already?  You see, this is why I hate the internet.  Even when I give it a chance, it turns on me.  No chance of detente here.









I guess I'll try the manufacturer's website next.  The price to order jeans directly from them is only a little more than the store that let me down.  Mind you, it was two days ago that I browsed their site, so either the price or availability probably has changed -- or both.

More Buying, Less Shopping

I have been so lazy, this note to blog about my second grocery-shopping foray has been on my keyboard for weeks.  I don't know why, since there isn't much to say.

I had most of the same items on my list as before.  (This one-per-customer rule, even if it's only in my head, is inconvenient.)  This time, though, I found most of them -- even the yogurt, hot dogs, and boxed macaroni & cheese.  Granted, there wasn't much of any of them on the shelves, but at least they were there.  Plus, there was toilet paper!  I didn't need any, but I picked up a package for visitors to use in the powder room.  I hope this one is more comfortable for them, although I still prefer the cheapest brand.

Ooh!  I just remembered something to add to my list for the next time.  Now, where's that paper?

Saturday, May 23, 2020

Seeing Things

Along with my actual waist size, there are a couple of other reasons I couldn't believe my eyes this weekend.  And it's only Saturday afternoon.

First, I saw four, teenage boys on bikes in my neighborhood.  I see lots of people out exercising, walking dogs, or playing:  parents, elderly, children -- but never teenagers.  I started thinking that maybe there aren't any in my neighborhood.  No teenager ever offered to mow my mom's lawn or shovel her sidewalks before I moved in with her, and I thought it was because they were too lazy or didn't want pocket money.  Maybe they didn't even exist.  The question now is:  are they all inside, playing video games?

The second thing I saw was during my walk this morning.  I saw an aluminum, beer can in the street.  I haven't had to pick up an aluminum can in years!

Size Matters

I accidentally tore through the knee of the pair of jeans I sometimes wear to work, so I need to replace them.  I tried on every other pair of jeans & trousers I have, and I'm embarrassed to say that none of them fits any more.  Even the ones marked "relaxed fit" are for skinny people.  The manufacturers must be lying their asses off -- which probably explains why they can fit in the jeans but I can't.  At least I'll have a generous donation for the thrift store.  (Now then, are there any other long-legged men in Albuquerque?)

And have you ever looked at the models in the photos?  Am I supposed to believe that someone with abs like that is actually wearing relaxed fit jeans?

Interestingly, I had a "regular fit" pair in my drawer (without tags, which means I must have been able to wear them in public at least once), and they weren't much different than the relaxed fit.  I guess each brand sizes and fits differently.  Still, I think the time has come for me to be honest with myself and go up a size.  (Since I live alone, and since it's a holiday weekend, I should be able to get all my sobbing done before returning to work on Tuesday.)

Alas, I can't go to the store, so I'll have to adventure online.  I first looked at the department store that I know sells a brand I like.  Naturally, they're out of stock in my size.  (Note:  that always happens in stores, too.)  I checked for the other brand I like, and they have my size, but they're way expensive.  Next, I looked at the discount department store's website.  They have the second brand, in my size, for an affordable price.  The website warns, "Runs large.  Consider sizing down."  (Believe me, I'm trying!)

For curiosity's sake, I took a tape measure and put it around my waist.  Freeow!  That number was a lot bigger than even the larger waist size of jeans!  (Maybe men's clothing designers lie as much as women's designers.)  It wasn't curiosity that killed the cat.  It was shock.